As you’ll notice below, the post I wrote about the third stage of this detoxification- and reorientation process was characterised by the fact that I had to concentrate on my emotional side and to detox my thoughts as well (the verdict is out whether water can help you here…).
Well dear Reader, looking back on what I wrote on 9 July, it seems that I had no idea what I was actually talking about. Happiness and health and all…
A while before I actually penned this post (of 9 July), I started to notice that I had a stiffness in my left shoulder which became pronounced whenever I lifted my left arm. This stiffness increasingly became uncomfortable when doing anything or doing nothing at all. If you have been following this series of commentaries, you would have surmised that I am in a high-strung type of person at the best of times; so it would be safe to assume that the physics of stress had taken over and found a vent through my back.
Skip a couple of weeks of stress, stiffness and all-round bad behaviour, up to last week Wednesday when thatchers, after a very long wait, started to replace all the ridges on our thatch roof (the loft under this thatch roof serves as the think-tank office of my company).
The work lasted until Friday afternoon, by which time I had been working in the dining room for two days with a loft covered in a ton of assorted plant material, cat’s claw, dirt and dust. Everywhere. And then some. Chaos.
In the meantime the stiffness in my shoulder had spread into full-blown spasm in my back. Stiff in body, stiff in mind…and by late Friday afternoon I was in a fire-spitting hurricane of a mood. Now I had to start cleaning the loft.
So, being the foulest of foul moods I decided not to take any more of this shit and to clean this ~#$%^&*$# loft once and for all.
Three hours later I had succeeded in cleaning close to half of it and only in the evening did I realise that I was actually feeling little bit better about myself as well. Interesting.
I continued the work on the Saturday morning with my mind clear enough to reflect on the last couple of weeks, this bad back of mine and a possible metaphysical reason as to why I had to go through this dusty process when I had so much other things to attend to…like Pangaea’s work you know.
As I continued cleaning, I started to develop the compulsion to clean everything in the loft; from the floor, my computer station, the furniture, my vinyls (very dusty), racks, shelves, and everything on them…everything.
As I started concentrating on this I realized just how dusty everything had become (even with a scheduled once-a-week clean and besides the recent re-thatching). I wondered how the room had actually gotten into such a state when many of the dusty items had been in clear sight every day.
I reached the corner of my desk where two of my digeridoos were leaning against the wall – had been leaning against the wall in plain sight for a long time gathering dust and becoming spider high-rises.
I took my time with them and lovingly cleaned them out and polished them so they looked once again as fresh as the day I made them. The moment I wondered how they could have become so neglected and dusty was the moment I realized why all this was happening.
The dust in my loft was not a result of neglect. The dust in my loft was the result of procrastination. Procrastination is not the result of laziness or apathy.
It is the result of fear.
Fear neglects and covers in dust all it touches.
Fear of what you ask? Well, I’ll discuss that in the next post – I think I am not afraid to write it any more.
(P.S. One thing that frightens me a little though, is the fact that my next body intelligence scan is scheduled for tomorrow – after this roller coaster month of little happiness and health I can only imagine what the outcome will be…my apologies in advance Illona.)
